Unbelievable

July 14, 2009 at 5:04 am (Uncategorized)

We found out today that our Agency, one of the most respected in Canada, went bankrupt. I almost laughed when I read that first email…really?!?!! How is that even possible??? This is just unbelievable.

I hate that our trust was already wavering and now feels so close to broken. I hate that there are so many families suffering so deeply. I hate that this feeds into all of the negative stereotyping that goes along with international adoption.

Our thoughts and prayers are now focused on those families with referrals and those who have legally adopted their children. They are focused on every other family who has invested so much financially and emotionally…waiting to see pictures of their little one(s).

We have been investigating another agency and were strongly considering switching soon. We may still do this, but what a leap of faith this will be! And explaining this to our family and friends now…ughhh

All we can do tonight is a take a deep breath, a couple of tylenols, and hope and pray that there is peace at the end of this ride from hell.

To all of those devastated by this shocking news, I am so sorry.

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A day away…

July 6, 2009 at 4:28 am (Uncategorized)

Despite the fact that I am sad that it is Sunday night, I have to admit we had a really nice weekend. We spent the day on Saturday at an adoption seminar and then we went straight to the lake to enjoy a nice quiet night by the fire. Although Brendan’s first words on Saturday morning were, “Why do you always have to turn everything into a freakin’ adventure?!” (This was mainly because it was 7:00 a.m. and he really didn’t want to get out of bed this early on a Saturday), we both had a really nice day. I was telling some co-workers that if I had lots of money, I would definitely see a psychologist once a week. Lying on a couch and venting to a stranger for an hour sounds great! Since I can’t do that, I choose to go for the odd jog, vent to Brendan, plant a garden, read outside, and camp. Poor Brendan! Some days I want to vent and have him just listen rather than try to solve my problems or tell me why it will be okay. And then other days after I am done venting I ask, “Are you even listening? Don’t you have any thoughts or feelings to share?!” And I’m so damn unpredictable I couldn’t even tell you what I’m hoping for most of the time when the vent begins! I love you, dear! You’re a great listener!

We’re expecting to hear more about the Ghana program on Tuesday and we’re not holding our breath. In fact, I think our trust has been broken and we’re very sadly moving on. I hope so much that our friends with referrals from Ghana can hold their children very soon, but I don’t think we’ll be there for several years (i.e., maybe the second adoption:)). I will always pray for “our” children in Ghana and recently decided they will probably remain my “God-children” forever. I don’t think anyone could ever understand what this loss feels like unless they experienced it and we certainly will never forget it. In an earlier post, I begged that “SOMEONE STOP THE RIDE!” and while jogging the other day I was thinking that this is not how I truly feel because if that was the case I would have been done so months ago. Because we have the controls to this ride…we can’t decide how and when it dips, but we certainly could stop it if we wanted. Many people have asked us why we would continue on this ride or if we should maybe look at other options, but we’re committed. We’re completely committed to all of the butterflies, the tears, the sleepless nights, the nausea, the anger, the sadness, and the beautiful children who are waiting for us to open our arms to them!

We hope to hear that others on similar rides enjoy beautiful highs this week!


Sitting by the fire on Saturday night!

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